5 Essential Tips to Heal from Divorce

5 Essential Tips to Heal from Divorce

Truly healing from the heartbreak of divorce starts with shifting your thoughts away from the man who was your earthly husband, and turning your heart to the Lord, who desires to be your Heavenly Husband.

Closeness with God is an exceedingly precious experience because God’s love is extravagant, beyond anything any man could offer. What’s more, our God doesn’t just want to completely heal you from your divorce (as good as that is). No, His desire is even greater– that you would discover a brilliant new life as the woman He made you to be all along. The woman He made you to be before the divorce.

Before the wedding.

Hold up. I know what you’re thinking– “Heavenly Husband? How do I even do get close to God like that?” We’re going to break it all down in our 5 Essential Tips to Heal from Divorce.

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From Hurt to Healing: God is Your Husband

From Hurt to Healing: God is Your Husband

Divorce is a two part trauma; not only are you losing a long term relationship, but you probably also feel that you’re losing part of yourself.

And it’s so in-your-face, even in the simplest ways. Like how long did you identify yourself as “So-and-So’s Wife” or “Mrs. Fill-in-the-Blank”? Every check. Every field trip form. Every doctor’s appointment. And then, all of a sudden, you stop. Stop identifying yourself that way. Stop being that version of yourself.

Stop being what felt like you. But if we’re honest, that process probably began a long time ago.

As time moves on, you’ll begin to see a glimmer of yourself as just yourself. Just you. And the most beautiful adventure begins. The adventure to becoming the woman you were meant to be, all along.

There’s no quick fix to recovering from a divorce; it takes time. But healing well is the key to a hope filled, satisfying future.

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Single Moms are CHOSEN

Single Moms are CHOSEN

Okay girl, let’s get real. As a single mom, I know you’ve felt forgotten about. Overlooked. Maybe even shamed. You may have been told that being a single mom marks you as a failure, and (gasp!) you may have even believed it. 

But what if I told you that God has a special place in His heart, just for single moms? That you have been CHOSEN by Him for a unique and specific purpose?

I know what you’re thinking- “Lord, couldn’t you have CHOSEN me to like, win the lottery?” As great as that sounds, what God has chosen you for is something so important, so valuable, that winning the lottery just wouldn’t cut it.

And He’s going to use the brokenness of your singleness to do it.

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3 Tips to Handle a Narcissist's "Smear Campaign"

3 Tips to Handle a Narcissist's "Smear Campaign"

Just because a woman’s relationship with a narcissistic abuser ends, does not mean the abuse itself will stop. In fact, a separation or divorce may give an abuser the impression he does not have to “play nice” to keep his target attached to him, and he may continue to abuse with less restraint than before.

When a woman begins to distance herself from her abuser, she limits the supply of attention he once received from her. He may go looking for validation elsewhere, and begin to discredit and defame his target to “win” others to his side (especially friends and family). This is what’s known as a “smear campaign.”

If this is happening to you, it can be so frustrating and disappointing (I mean, these people were a part of your life too). You may be wondering, “What do I do?”

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Abuse is Idolatry: 5 Tips for Going "No Contact" as a Biblical Way to Deal with Abuse

Abuse is Idolatry: 5 Tips for Going "No Contact" as a Biblical Way to Deal with Abuse

If you’ve been in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man, you have no doubt described the experience as living with “Jekyll and Hyde.” One day, he’s charming Dr. Jekyll. But all of a sudden, something shifts and vicious Mr. Hyde is revealed.

This is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder (also known as narcissism).

It’s a dizzying and exhausting experience, one few people can understand unless they have experienced it. However, once a target of abuse is able to identify these shifts in behavior (and what fuels them), she has the ability to distance herself emotionally from his destabilizing tactics. Read on to see our 5 tips for going no contact as a biblical response to abuse.

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Don't Trust Yourself. Or Anyone Else, For That Matter: A Lesson in Trusting God

Don't Trust Yourself. Or Anyone Else, For That Matter: A Lesson in Trusting God

Once a woman begins to discover she is being used as a pawn in an abuser’s game of manipulation and self-fulfillment, she may experience waves of confusion. She doubts whether or not she can trust herself, and wonders if she can ever trust her abuser (or any other person for that matter) again.

But when we place our trust God, it becomes far easier to discern His presence in the lives of others, and know with whom we should align ourselves.

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5 Habits that Enable Your Abuser {+ 5 Ways to Stop Enabling Him TODAY}

5 Habits that Enable Your Abuser {+ 5 Ways to Stop Enabling Him TODAY}

Enabling, is a very real part of abusive relationships. Enabling happens when a victim engages in behaviors that hide abuse and shield the abuser from the consequences of his actions. Enabling allows abuse to worsen by keeping this evil shrouded in darkness (where it just LOVES to grow).

And while abuse is never a victim’s fault, she may be unwittingly contributing to its longevity through enabling. In this post, we’re going to talk about 5 key things abused women do to prolong abuse (and 5 ways you can stop enabling an abuser, TODAY).

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Am I Co- Dependent? The Consequences of the Codependency Myth in Abusive Relationships

Am I Co- Dependent? The Consequences of the Codependency Myth in Abusive Relationships

It can be hard to make sense of the relationship dynamics in an abusive marriage. There’s a natural tendency to think in terms of cause-and-effect logic, in which the wife is given some responsibility for her husband’s abuse, due to being a “low performing” or co-dependent spouse.

Not only does that kind of thinking hurt victims, it isn’t biblical.

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How Do I Know if My Abusive Husband is Really Changing?

How Do I Know if My Abusive Husband is Really Changing?

One of the most difficult aspects of breaking the cycle of abuse lies in a woman’s ability to rightly identify what is happening to her as abuse in the first place. However, even when she can begin to describe her husband’s behavior as abusive, a new struggle for discernment of the truth begins.

I mean, knowing whether or not a man is changing seems so subjective, right?

Thankfully, the Bible offers us a very descriptive account of what true change and repentance looks like, taking what seems subjective and creating a standard by which women can properly assess what’s really going on.

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5 Things Your Church Can Do RIGHT NOW to Stop Domestic Violence

5 Things Your Church Can Do RIGHT NOW to Stop Domestic Violence

In Part I of this series, we discussed the raging epidemic of domestic violence in Christian churches and pastors’ self-reported unpreparedness in handling it. And while ongoing education is the mission of organizations like Agape Moms, we’ve developed a list of five meaningful steps Christian leaders and pastors can take RIGHT NOW to safeguard their congregations and help families struggling with these issues.

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By the Numbers: The Silent Epidemic of Domestic Abuse in Christian Churches

By the Numbers: The Silent Epidemic of Domestic Abuse in Christian Churches

Domestic abuse is an insidious, silent epidemic in the Christian community. Sadly, 37% of pastors surveyed say they believe that domestic and sexual violence does NOT occur in their congregations.

With nearly 1 in 3 American women suffering domestic abuse at some point in their lifetimes, It doesn’t seem likely that nearly 40% of churches are completely free of this issue.

The greater likelihood is that these churches either don’t know how to identify cases of abuse, or do not have the kind of culture in which victims are encouraged to come forward to seek help and healing. In the meantime, women and children are terrorized by the effects of intimate partner abuse as victims struggle without guidance and support from a spiritual community.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. But identifying the fact that there is a problem is the first step.

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Identifying False Recovery in Abusive Relationships

Identifying False Recovery in Abusive Relationships

It’s not uncommon for a woman in an abusive relationship to believe at times that perhaps her husband is finally on the right track and making meaningful progress. Eagerly she may even declare, “This time, it’s different.”

And for a time, it may seem so. But when another abusive episode occurs, she’s left wondering what went wrong.

What she’s just experienced is known as a “false recovery.” Read on to learn more about identifying false recoveries and what to do about them.

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Is All Divorce Sinful? What does the Bible Say About Divorce?

Is All Divorce Sinful? What does the Bible Say About Divorce?

I suffered in an emotionally abusive relationship for the better part of two decades because I believed that all divorce was sinful. After all, doesn't Malachi 2:16 say, "God hates divorce?”

There’s actually some controversy as to the translation of that phrase. And while that’s a subject for another post, we have observed that at minimum, these words are often removed from their context and applied to implicate a prohibition on all divorce. With so much confusion, how can we discern what the Bible has to say on this subject?

Most often, the truth of one verse of Scripture is evident throughout the whole of the Bible. To really understand God’s heart on a given subject, it’s most appropriate to examine the Bible as a whole and discover what the entire collection of verses on the topic reveals. And while we don’t have the space for that in one little blog post, perhaps one of the most descriptive accounts of divorce in the Bible is God’s own divorce of Israel.

What?!

Yep. In the Book of Jeremiah, God Himself is described as divorcing His bride, the nation of Israel.

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How Can a Christian Wife Address Her Husband's Sin? 4 Steps for Wives from Matthew 18

How Can a Christian Wife Address Her Husband's Sin? 4 Steps for Wives from Matthew 18

The word "submissive" does not mean "punching bag." Biblical submission is about being a husband's helpmate. And if your husband is involved with serious sin, a compassionate helpmate will not stand idly by while Satan destroys the man. 

Submission is not for the faint of heart.

Admittedly, a Christian wife may find herself uncertain about what to do after a one-to-one conversation with her husband doesn't change his sinful behavior. But take heart- Jesus tells us there's more that can be done.

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Three Critical Steps to Stop An Abusive Conversation

Three Critical Steps to Stop An Abusive Conversation

Stopping the cycle involves disengaging your emotions from the situation to stop the abuse itself. Proverbs 26:20 says, "For lack of wood the fire goes out," (NIV) While we often want to defend ourselves and convince our abusive spouse that we have their best interests in mind, doing so only sends a signal to an argumentative man that he might be on to something. To further avoid fueling the fire of his abusive rage and leave an abusive conversation, there are three critical steps you must take.

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