3 Tips to Handle a Narcissist's "Smear Campaign"

3 Tips to Handle a Narcissist's "Smear Campaign"

Just because a woman’s relationship with a narcissistic abuser ends, does not mean the abuse itself will stop. In fact, a separation or divorce may give an abuser the impression he does not have to “play nice” to keep his target attached to him, and he may continue to abuse with less restraint than before.

When a woman begins to distance herself from her abuser, she limits the supply of attention he once received from her. He may go looking for validation elsewhere, and begin to discredit and defame his target to “win” others to his side (especially friends and family). This is what’s known as a “smear campaign.”

If this is happening to you, it can be so frustrating and disappointing (I mean, these people were a part of your life too). You may be wondering, “What do I do?”

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Don't Trust Yourself. Or Anyone Else, For That Matter: A Lesson in Trusting God

Don't Trust Yourself. Or Anyone Else, For That Matter: A Lesson in Trusting God

Once a woman begins to discover she is being used as a pawn in an abuser’s game of manipulation and self-fulfillment, she may experience waves of confusion. She doubts whether or not she can trust herself, and wonders if she can ever trust her abuser (or any other person for that matter) again.

But when we place our trust God, it becomes far easier to discern His presence in the lives of others, and know with whom we should align ourselves.

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5 Habits that Enable Your Abuser {+ 5 Ways to Stop Enabling Him TODAY}

5 Habits that Enable Your Abuser {+ 5 Ways to Stop Enabling Him TODAY}

Enabling, is a very real part of abusive relationships. Enabling happens when a victim engages in behaviors that hide abuse and shield the abuser from the consequences of his actions. Enabling allows abuse to worsen by keeping this evil shrouded in darkness (where it just LOVES to grow).

And while abuse is never a victim’s fault, she may be unwittingly contributing to its longevity through enabling. In this post, we’re going to talk about 5 key things abused women do to prolong abuse (and 5 ways you can stop enabling an abuser, TODAY).

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How Do I Know if My Abusive Husband is Really Changing?

How Do I Know if My Abusive Husband is Really Changing?

One of the most difficult aspects of breaking the cycle of abuse lies in a woman’s ability to rightly identify what is happening to her as abuse in the first place. However, even when she can begin to describe her husband’s behavior as abusive, a new struggle for discernment of the truth begins.

I mean, knowing whether or not a man is changing seems so subjective, right?

Thankfully, the Bible offers us a very descriptive account of what true change and repentance looks like, taking what seems subjective and creating a standard by which women can properly assess what’s really going on.

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Identifying False Recovery in Abusive Relationships

Identifying False Recovery in Abusive Relationships

It’s not uncommon for a woman in an abusive relationship to believe at times that perhaps her husband is finally on the right track and making meaningful progress. Eagerly she may even declare, “This time, it’s different.”

And for a time, it may seem so. But when another abusive episode occurs, she’s left wondering what went wrong.

What she’s just experienced is known as a “false recovery.” Read on to learn more about identifying false recoveries and what to do about them.

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How Can a Christian Wife Address Her Husband's Sin? 4 Steps for Wives from Matthew 18

How Can a Christian Wife Address Her Husband's Sin? 4 Steps for Wives from Matthew 18

The word "submissive" does not mean "punching bag." Biblical submission is about being a husband's helpmate. And if your husband is involved with serious sin, a compassionate helpmate will not stand idly by while Satan destroys the man. 

Submission is not for the faint of heart.

Admittedly, a Christian wife may find herself uncertain about what to do after a one-to-one conversation with her husband doesn't change his sinful behavior. But take heart- Jesus tells us there's more that can be done.

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Three Critical Steps to Stop An Abusive Conversation

Three Critical Steps to Stop An Abusive Conversation

Stopping the cycle involves disengaging your emotions from the situation to stop the abuse itself. Proverbs 26:20 says, "For lack of wood the fire goes out," (NIV) While we often want to defend ourselves and convince our abusive spouse that we have their best interests in mind, doing so only sends a signal to an argumentative man that he might be on to something. To further avoid fueling the fire of his abusive rage and leave an abusive conversation, there are three critical steps you must take.

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Bringing Your Abusive Husband's Sins into the Light {A Wife's Role}

Bringing Your Abusive Husband's Sins into the Light {A Wife's Role}

I think there are few people who would argue that spousal abuse is sin. Not only is it sin but it is a betrayal of the marriage covenant in which a husband and wife pledge before God that they will honor and protect each other.

And yet, so many women are afraid to expose the sins of an abusive husband. They are afraid of the shame and retribution that may come along with damaging his reputation. They may really feel like he is making progress and they don't want to unnecessarily draw attention to a situation that may end up being fixed in the long run. Or they may think it is sinful to speak up because that's not submission, right??

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Respect for an Abusive Husband (What it Is, and What it's Not).

Respect for an Abusive Husband (What it Is, and What it's Not).

On the surface "respect your husband" may seem to be an unpopular piece of advice to a woman in an abusive relationship. The words "honor," "submit," and "obey" really don't make a lot of sense when you're being bullied and humiliated by the one who professes to love you.

Today we're going to talk about what respect is...and what it is not.

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Another Man Helped Me Escape My Abusive Marriage (It's Not What You Think)

Another Man Helped Me Escape My Abusive Marriage (It's Not What You Think)

But without warning, my "ah ha" moment finally came. In the midst of a conversation I was having with my mother about yet another abusive episode, she looked at me puzzled and said, "Doesn't it scare you when he says that?"

I panicked a little when my obvious answer was no.

I explained to Mother that this was normal for us and that I knew he would come back around. He always did. Then she said something that changed my perspective forever.

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Feeling Like You Have Wasted Years on a Failed Marriage? Here's Help.

Feeling Like You Have Wasted Years on a Failed Marriage? Here's Help.

These women often have the same thing in common. They are haunted by years of endless broken promises. Second chances became third chances and fourth chances. Hundreds of chances (and perhaps decades) later, these women often eventually feel that their efforts were in vain. Forgiveness repeatedly gave way to the devastating pain and betrayal of perpetual abuse, and what remained was the hollow shell of a marriage, if the marriage survived at all.

Why does the cycle go on this way? We believe we can help. We choose to see the good in our husbands. We believe in their best intentions. We might even understand the traumas that have taught them to behave this way. But sometimes, it all falls apart and we are left without answers. In turn, this may leave some of us feeling we are without hope. But girlfriend, God’s not done with you.

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The Best Thing You Can Do to Help Your Abusive Husband

The Best Thing You Can Do to Help Your Abusive Husband

How can you truly help an abusive husband?

In the case of true emotional abuse, you are "alcohol to the alcoholic." As an alcoholic spirals out of control, eventually he or she cannot hide the drunkenness that ultimately accompanies their addiction. However, an emotional abuser is not subject to the crushing reality of his power addiction when his victim remains silent. Silence perpetuates abuse by shielding the abuser from the natural consequences of his actions.

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Sure, You're a Mom {But Who Does God Say You Really Are?}

Sure, You're a Mom {But Who Does God Say You Really Are?}

It seems to me that a lot of books and blogs for Christian mamas are written with the ideal Christian woman in mind. But if I'm looking at the women around me, these assumptions just don't seem to reflect the place where so many of us are in real life. We're unhappily married. We're single. We're divorced. We're stepmoms with messy, complicated families. We work outside the home. We get calls from the principal. We have kids (or husbands) with serious problems. We have serious problems. We curse. We drink. We yell. And we might not have set foot in a church in a quite a while. Read on to discover just how the Bible addresses this and who God says you truly are.

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