Seen: Hope & Healing for Single Moms {A Powerful New Bible Study- Just for Single Moms}

Seen: Hope & Healing for Single Moms {A Powerful New Bible Study- Just for Single Moms}

I don’t know about you but I have had a hard time finding Bible study materials for Christian single moms.

Sure, there are lots of inspirational books and devotionals for moms. And for women in general. But I have wanted to know more about God’s heart for me, in this particular season of my life – as a single mom.

So I dug into the Word – and girl, did He show me something amazing!

I know from talking with other single moms that many of us aren’t super comfortable with going straight to the Bible for answers. Maybe you don’t know what to look for or feel confused by what you’re reading. Wouldn’t it be great if someone could just point you in the right direction?

Sister, you’ve come to the right place.

I’d like to tell you about our new Bible study resource, just for single moms, called Seen: Hope & Healing for Single Moms.

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Girl, Buy the Flowers: Experiencing God's Love in Your Singleness

Girl, Buy the Flowers: Experiencing God's Love in Your Singleness

One of my favorite sayings in my season of singleness has been "date yourself." I took this very seriously in the early stages of recovery from my divorce: I hiked waterfalls. I tried Ethiopian food. I rode a mechanical bull. 

I also got injured doing a couple of those things but hey– the memories are epic.

In dating myself, I've re-learned my likes and dislikes. I've discovered interests and abilities I never realized I had before (uh, furniture refurbishment?!). And I've gotten real comfortable with that quirky girl who had never fully come into her own.

(She gets me into a lot of "situations." All good, clean fun though.)

The journey of self-rediscovery has been absolutely priceless. And for my money, I'd say everyone should go through some kind of self-dating process if you're ever going to bring much more than a scarred up, broken heart into a new relationship.

During one of my recent "self-dates," the most surprising thing happened. It completely transformed the way I look at this season of singleness, and my value in the eyes of the Father.

Get the popcorn, girl. This is good.

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Recovering Your Worth After the Trauma of Abuse and Divorce

Recovering Your Worth After the Trauma of Abuse and Divorce

I have talked to many single moms (several of whom have suffered through abusive relationships) who all tell me the same thing-

“I just don’t know who I am anymore. I feel worthless.”

Trauma often causes us to devalue ourselves. But what’s really dangerous is establishing a pattern of cutting ourselves down and then calling it humility. Somehow, some of us (myself included) got the idea that thinking less of ourselves is righteous (because, after all, we don’t want to get all full of ourselves, right?).

Wrong.

Many of us cross the line into a kind self-bullying known as false humility. It’s not biblical and worse yet, it’s a lie of the enemy to paralyze you and keep you from living the abundant life God intended for you.

(No judgement here, mama- like I said, I’ve been there too.)

Ephesians 2:10 literally says in Christ, you are God’s masterpiece. Treating a masterpiece of God as useless trash isn’t humility, and it isn’t righteous. But what then is real humility, and how does it help us recover our sense of worth?

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God, Don't Forget Me: Waiting for God to Answer Prayer in Desperate Times

God, Don't Forget Me: Waiting for God to Answer Prayer in Desperate Times

Waiting on God in desperate times is hard. We know God is all powerful. We know He blesses His children. We know He has a perfect plan.

But boy, does that thing about His timing being better than our timing sting.

And you’re not alone in that. Hannah was a woman who was dealing with some serious anxiety in the midst of seemingly unanswered prayers (I know, join the club, right?!). But the most beautiful thing about Hannah’s story is what God did to transform the heart of a desperate woman, while she waited on answered prayer.

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God Is Not a Fortune Teller: Kicking Fear of the Future to Find Power in the Present

God Is Not a Fortune Teller: Kicking Fear of the Future to Find Power in the Present

Have you ever felt anxious about not knowing what the future holds?

Scratch that- I know you have. Maybe I should ask, how have you been dealing with feeling anxious about what the future holds?

A friend of mine and I recently found ourselves in this situation. We’re both in similar seasons of life, each of us recovering from the aftermath of a sin-ravaged marriage. Both of us wondering what the Lord had ahead for us in our lives, desperate to know what God was planning next. So we did what most Christian women would do in this situation– we prayed.

We prayed alone. We prayed together. We prayed via text. We prayed for answers. We prayed for reassurance. One of us may or may not have tried laying out the proverbial fleece before the Lord (see Gideon’s story in Judges for all the deets on that).

But when the answers didn’t come, we felt stuck. Frustrated. Like we were bound to mess it all up because we couldn’t hear God’s voice. And then each of us heard the same gentle word from the Lord, on the very same day–

“Daughter, I am Your Father– not a fortune teller.”

Seriously. My friend and I hadn’t been together for days, and yet each of us received this same revelation from God. Girlfriend, believe me when I tell you we were convicted. We had been going about this all wrong!

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Let Go and Let God: 15 Ways God Fixes What's Broken

Let Go and Let God: 15 Ways God Fixes What's Broken

My mind can be pretty goofy sometimes. As in, I can piece together bits of unrelated information and come up with a totally far off conclusion, yet I’m absolutely convinced it’s 100% true.

Anyone else like that? Yeah, I see you hiding back there.

I’ve done this with everything. Checking for “intruders” in the middle of the night. Circling the block to make sure that speed bump (which I totally SAW) was not a child or an animal.

Believing that if I don’t worry about a situation, then the worst case scenario will absolutely happen.

There was a time I absolutely believed that if I gave God control over my life that I would have to accept things might go badly. That not only could the worst case situation happen, but that just by letting go of it, it would.

What a big ol’ lie.

Whether or not you struggle with clinical anxiety, fear is still a giant threat to our emotional and spiritual health when going through a major life change like losing a spouse through divorce or death. Fear can make us do things that really don’t make ANY sense, just because we are convinced that appeasing our fears is better than the alternative.

But God has HUGE promises for those who give Him room to move in their lives- and He’s a big God so make room!

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Seven Things Every Single Mom Needs (But Will Never Ask For)

Seven Things Every Single Mom Needs (But Will Never Ask For)

When my marriage first ended, I hated referring to myself as a “single mom.” I hated the connotation of it, like a giant “F” for Failure had been stamped on my forehead.

Like I had been handed a membership card to a club I never wanted to be in.

But over time, I realized that I did not need to let the term “single mother” define me, but rather describe my situation. And the fact is that being in this situation has some unique needs and challenges that are summed up pretty well with the words “single mom.”

(Because “lonely-woman-raising-three-kids-while-being-solely-responsible-for-managing-a-household” is too long.)

As I’ve walked this journey, I’ve come to understand just how much the Lord has ministered to me through the people around me (in ways I didn’t even know I needed). But I’ve also realized just how much I neglected the needs of the single moms around me in my “pre-single mom” days. And not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t understand.

If you’re a single mom struggling to help those in your life understand, or if you have a single mom in your life that you want to reach out to, check out this list of Seven Ways to Support a Single Mom.

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Trusting God {When Your Marriage Doesn't Work Out}

Trusting God {When Your Marriage Doesn't Work Out}

Every “Pick Up Friday” starts the same. It’s generally uneventful. I give my kids "one more kiss” (about three or four times), and my heart sinks a little watching them rolling their suitcases out the front door.

It sinks because this is not the life I wanted for them. Not by a long shot.

To make the most of it, I immediately jump into my jammies and head to the couch to enjoy a quiet dinner-and-a-movie for one. I rummage through my secret “mama stash” of chocolate (which I do not have to eat in the pantry because there are no kids around). And just when I feel like it’s all going to be okay…

…bedtime comes.

The sadness sets in. The silence becomes overwhelming. What seemed like a weekend of quality alone time turns into a countdown of when the pain of missing my kids will end. And I start asking God, “Why?”

Couldn’t there have been another way?

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{Why Does It Have to Be This Way?} Hope for Single Moms

{Why Does It Have to Be This Way?} Hope for Single Moms

I know you’ve been there. That day when NOTHING goes right. That day when your kiddo gets sick and you don’t have childcare. That day when you discover a past due bill that didn’t get paid. That day when you collapse into your empty bed, which for some reason seems emptier now than it ever has before.

That day when you realize, yet again, that you are a single mom.

Okay, I know some of you would say this is everyday. But you know there are those days that just stand out from the rest (and I’m not talking in a “gold star” kind of way). The days that make you wonder, “Did it really have to be this way?”

It’s a hard question. And sometimes it seems there are no good answers. But we are loved by the God of answers, who never leaves us stranded without hope.

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5 Essential Tips to Heal from Divorce

5 Essential Tips to Heal from Divorce

Truly healing from the heartbreak of divorce starts with shifting your thoughts away from the man who was your earthly husband, and turning your heart to the Lord, who desires to be your Heavenly Husband.

Closeness with God is an exceedingly precious experience because God’s love is extravagant, beyond anything any man could offer. What’s more, our God doesn’t just want to completely heal you from your divorce (as good as that is). No, His desire is even greater– that you would discover a brilliant new life as the woman He made you to be all along. The woman He made you to be before the divorce.

Before the wedding.

Hold up. I know what you’re thinking– “Heavenly Husband? How do I even do get close to God like that?” We’re going to break it all down in our 5 Essential Tips to Heal from Divorce.

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From Hurt to Healing: God is Your Husband

From Hurt to Healing: God is Your Husband

Divorce is a two part trauma; not only are you losing a long term relationship, but you probably also feel that you’re losing part of yourself.

And it’s so in-your-face, even in the simplest ways. Like how long did you identify yourself as “So-and-So’s Wife” or “Mrs. Fill-in-the-Blank”? Every check. Every field trip form. Every doctor’s appointment. And then, all of a sudden, you stop. Stop identifying yourself that way. Stop being that version of yourself.

Stop being what felt like you. But if we’re honest, that process probably began a long time ago.

As time moves on, you’ll begin to see a glimmer of yourself as just yourself. Just you. And the most beautiful adventure begins. The adventure to becoming the woman you were meant to be, all along.

There’s no quick fix to recovering from a divorce; it takes time. But healing well is the key to a hope filled, satisfying future.

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Single Moms are CHOSEN

Single Moms are CHOSEN

Okay girl, let’s get real. As a single mom, I know you’ve felt forgotten about. Overlooked. Maybe even shamed. You may have been told that being a single mom marks you as a failure, and (gasp!) you may have even believed it. 

But what if I told you that God has a special place in His heart, just for single moms? That you have been CHOSEN by Him for a unique and specific purpose?

I know what you’re thinking- “Lord, couldn’t you have CHOSEN me to like, win the lottery?” As great as that sounds, what God has chosen you for is something so important, so valuable, that winning the lottery just wouldn’t cut it.

And He’s going to use the brokenness of your singleness to do it.

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Am I Co- Dependent? The Consequences of the Codependency Myth in Abusive Relationships

Am I Co- Dependent? The Consequences of the Codependency Myth in Abusive Relationships

It can be hard to make sense of the relationship dynamics in an abusive marriage. There’s a natural tendency to think in terms of cause-and-effect logic, in which the wife is given some responsibility for her husband’s abuse, due to being a “low performing” or co-dependent spouse.

Not only does that kind of thinking hurt victims, it isn’t biblical.

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Identifying False Recovery in Abusive Relationships

Identifying False Recovery in Abusive Relationships

It’s not uncommon for a woman in an abusive relationship to believe at times that perhaps her husband is finally on the right track and making meaningful progress. Eagerly she may even declare, “This time, it’s different.”

And for a time, it may seem so. But when another abusive episode occurs, she’s left wondering what went wrong.

What she’s just experienced is known as a “false recovery.” Read on to learn more about identifying false recoveries and what to do about them.

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Is All Divorce Sinful? What does the Bible Say About Divorce?

Is All Divorce Sinful? What does the Bible Say About Divorce?

I suffered in an emotionally abusive relationship for the better part of two decades because I believed that all divorce was sinful. After all, doesn't Malachi 2:16 say, "God hates divorce?”

There’s actually some controversy as to the translation of that phrase. And while that’s a subject for another post, we have observed that at minimum, these words are often removed from their context and applied to implicate a prohibition on all divorce. With so much confusion, how can we discern what the Bible has to say on this subject?

Most often, the truth of one verse of Scripture is evident throughout the whole of the Bible. To really understand God’s heart on a given subject, it’s most appropriate to examine the Bible as a whole and discover what the entire collection of verses on the topic reveals. And while we don’t have the space for that in one little blog post, perhaps one of the most descriptive accounts of divorce in the Bible is God’s own divorce of Israel.

What?!

Yep. In the Book of Jeremiah, God Himself is described as divorcing His bride, the nation of Israel.

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Another Man Helped Me Escape My Abusive Marriage (It's Not What You Think)

Another Man Helped Me Escape My Abusive Marriage (It's Not What You Think)

But without warning, my "ah ha" moment finally came. In the midst of a conversation I was having with my mother about yet another abusive episode, she looked at me puzzled and said, "Doesn't it scare you when he says that?"

I panicked a little when my obvious answer was no.

I explained to Mother that this was normal for us and that I knew he would come back around. He always did. Then she said something that changed my perspective forever.

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