Stopping the cycle involves disengaging your emotions from the situation to stop the abuse itself. Proverbs 26:20 says, "For lack of wood the fire goes out," (NIV) While we often want to defend ourselves and convince our abusive spouse that we have their best interests in mind, doing so only sends a signal to an argumentative man that he might be on to something. To further avoid fueling the fire of his abusive rage and leave an abusive conversation, there are three critical steps you must take.Read More
If you're in an abusive relationship, you've probably heard these words before:
"I'm not abusing you. You're the one abusing me."
Many women are caught off balance by this "chicken and egg" debate and don't know how to figure out the truth. You may wonder, "Is he right? Am I the one abusing him?"Read More
Words can be powerful, so powerful in fact that I never stopped to ask myself if the words he used matched up with the fruit of his actions. But through talking and journaling, I turned my abuser's actions into words- MY WORDS. Then I realized the absurdity of the counsel I was giving myself as to what this man was doing to me.Read More
When most people think of domestic violence, they think of physical or sexual abuse, in which one person is using physical means to control their partner (whether by hitting, forcibly restraining, raping, or otherwise assaulting the person). But domestic violence includes other means of emotional, mental, or spiritual abuse that seek assert power and dominance over a victim, stripping her of her God-given uniqueness and individuality. These forms of psychological abuse leave scars on the psyche of the victim, denying her the ability to live freely in her marriage, in the manner God intended for her.Read More
But without warning, my "ah ha" moment finally came. In the midst of a conversation I was having with my mother about yet another abusive episode, she looked at me puzzled and said, "Doesn't it scare you when he says that?"
I panicked a little when my obvious answer was no.
I explained to Mother that this was normal for us and that I knew he would come back around. He always did. Then she said something that changed my perspective forever.Read More
These women often have the same thing in common. They are haunted by years of endless broken promises. Second chances became third chances and fourth chances. Hundreds of chances (and perhaps decades) later, these women often eventually feel that their efforts were in vain. Forgiveness repeatedly gave way to the devastating pain and betrayal of perpetual abuse, and what remained was the hollow shell of a marriage, if the marriage survived at all.
Why does the cycle go on this way? We believe we can help. We choose to see the good in our husbands. We believe in their best intentions. We might even understand the traumas that have taught them to behave this way. But sometimes, it all falls apart and we are left without answers. In turn, this may leave some of us feeling we are without hope. But girlfriend, God’s not done with you.Read More
It seems to me that a lot of books and blogs for Christian mamas are written with the ideal Christian woman in mind. But if I'm looking at the women around me, these assumptions just don't seem to reflect the place where so many of us are in real life. We're unhappily married. We're single. We're divorced. We're stepmoms with messy, complicated families. We work outside the home. We get calls from the principal. We have kids (or husbands) with serious problems. We have serious problems. We curse. We drink. We yell. And we might not have set foot in a church in a quite a while. Read on to discover just how the Bible addresses this and who God says you truly are.Read More