Stopping the cycle involves disengaging your emotions from the situation to stop the abuse itself. Proverbs 26:20 says, "For lack of wood the fire goes out," (NIV) While we often want to defend ourselves and convince our abusive spouse that we have their best interests in mind, doing so only sends a signal to an argumentative man that he might be on to something. To further avoid fueling the fire of his abusive rage and leave an abusive conversation, there are three critical steps you must take.Read More
If you're in an abusive relationship, you've probably heard these words before:
"I'm not abusing you. You're the one abusing me."
Many women are caught off balance by this "chicken and egg" debate and don't know how to figure out the truth. You may wonder, "Is he right? Am I the one abusing him?"Read More
When a woman is in a relationship with an abusive, narcissistic husband, there are moments in the abuse cycle when she feels that maybe he will be able to hear her out. After all, he's apologized for what he's done and has promised to fix it- why shouldn't she feel like he is willing to understand how he's hurting her? But often her attempts to share her feelings result in failure, and more abuse.Read More
I think there are few people who would argue that spousal abuse is sin. Not only is it sin but it is a betrayal of the marriage covenant in which a husband and wife pledge before God that they will honor and protect each other.
And yet, so many women are afraid to expose the sins of an abusive husband. They are afraid of the shame and retribution that may come along with damaging his reputation. They may really feel like he is making progress and they don't want to unnecessarily draw attention to a situation that may end up being fixed in the long run. Or they may think it is sinful to speak up because that's not submission, right??Read More
Words can be powerful, so powerful in fact that I never stopped to ask myself if the words he used matched up with the fruit of his actions. But through talking and journaling, I turned my abuser's actions into words- MY WORDS. Then I realized the absurdity of the counsel I was giving myself as to what this man was doing to me.Read More
On the surface "respect your husband" may seem to be an unpopular piece of advice to a woman in an abusive relationship. The words "honor," "submit," and "obey" really don't make a lot of sense when you're being bullied and humiliated by the one who professes to love you.
Today we're going to talk about what respect is...and what it is not.Read More
Often we encounter women who know they are being abused by their husbands, yet they are wracked with guilt as to what they should do for the sake of their children. When the abuse doesn’t appear to be directed at the children specifically, the victim may surmise that having a less than ideal family is better than disrupting the family unit through the process of church discipline, separation, or divorce.
But in abusive situations, your children ARE being abused. Read on to learn more about combatting this generational sin.Read More
When most people think of domestic violence, they think of physical or sexual abuse, in which one person is using physical means to control their partner (whether by hitting, forcibly restraining, raping, or otherwise assaulting the person). But domestic violence includes other means of emotional, mental, or spiritual abuse that seek assert power and dominance over a victim, stripping her of her God-given uniqueness and individuality. These forms of psychological abuse leave scars on the psyche of the victim, denying her the ability to live freely in her marriage, in the manner God intended for her.Read More
But without warning, my "ah ha" moment finally came. In the midst of a conversation I was having with my mother about yet another abusive episode, she looked at me puzzled and said, "Doesn't it scare you when he says that?"
I panicked a little when my obvious answer was no.
I explained to Mother that this was normal for us and that I knew he would come back around. He always did. Then she said something that changed my perspective forever.Read More
These women often have the same thing in common. They are haunted by years of endless broken promises. Second chances became third chances and fourth chances. Hundreds of chances (and perhaps decades) later, these women often eventually feel that their efforts were in vain. Forgiveness repeatedly gave way to the devastating pain and betrayal of perpetual abuse, and what remained was the hollow shell of a marriage, if the marriage survived at all.
Why does the cycle go on this way? We believe we can help. We choose to see the good in our husbands. We believe in their best intentions. We might even understand the traumas that have taught them to behave this way. But sometimes, it all falls apart and we are left without answers. In turn, this may leave some of us feeling we are without hope. But girlfriend, God’s not done with you.Read More
How can you truly help an abusive husband?
In the case of true emotional abuse, you are "alcohol to the alcoholic." As an alcoholic spirals out of control, eventually he or she cannot hide the drunkenness that ultimately accompanies their addiction. However, an emotional abuser is not subject to the crushing reality of his power addiction when his victim remains silent. Silence perpetuates abuse by shielding the abuser from the natural consequences of his actions.Read More
Lately my son has been, shall we say "coloring outside the lines," when it comes to obedience (naturally) and I've struggled to figure out how to connect with him in a meaningful way on the subject. It's one thing as a parent to toot your own shofar and tell your kids that God says they have to obey you. Doesn't always work though (I mean in their minds, consider the source). But to teach your kid to actually open up the Word of God to learn the truth about something, that's the best way I've found to get the back up I need. Check out our notes on teaching your kid to really understand The Ten Commandments.Read More
It seems to me that a lot of books and blogs for Christian mamas are written with the ideal Christian woman in mind. But if I'm looking at the women around me, these assumptions just don't seem to reflect the place where so many of us are in real life. We're unhappily married. We're single. We're divorced. We're stepmoms with messy, complicated families. We work outside the home. We get calls from the principal. We have kids (or husbands) with serious problems. We have serious problems. We curse. We drink. We yell. And we might not have set foot in a church in a quite a while. Read on to discover just how the Bible addresses this and who God says you truly are.Read More
Something about a marker wielding toddler makes you realize how truly unequipped you are for parenthood. Our oldest was two before I even thought of picking up a parenting book. Three parenting books totally changed the way I looked at my role as a mom and gave me some solid strategies to implement when it came to discipline and shepherding my kids' hearts. Read on to see our top picks!Read More
The relaxed nature of the summer can be a blessing, and a curse. On the one hand, there's a good chance you aren't running the mom taxi nearly as often (yay, sanity). On the other, the lack of routine can leave everyone feeling a little over-indulged and under stimulated. But you CAN enjoy being at home with your kids this summer, and make memories in the process.Read More